It’s hen season, if you are preparing to leave your baby for the first time this one’s for you.
Leaving Your Breastfed Baby for the First Time: Gentle Tips for You and the Caregiver Stepping In
Leaving your baby for the first time can feel like a big emotional stretch. especially when you’re breastfeeding. It’s not just about feeds and naps; it’s the closeness, the comfort, the connection. So it’s no surprise if your heart feels a bit heavy (or even a bit panicked) as you prepare for some time away. You have been co-regulating with your baby since birth, even if you didn’t realise it. Making this break is a hard adjustment for you both.
Leading up to this you may of once thought you would want or need the break when the time came. That may still feel true, yet it won’t make it easier.
Whether you’re stepping out for a few hours or an overnight, here’s a gentle guide to help both you and your baby’s caregiver feel supported during this tender transition.
For the Caregiver stepping in: Tips to Support a Breastfed Baby with Connection and Comfort
When a breastfed baby is missing their primary source of nourishment, comfort, and regulation—it’s not just about milk. It’s about the sensory experience of being close to their parent. But rest assured: there are so many beautiful ways to offer connection and co-regulation in their absence.
Offer Comfort Through Scent
Babies know their parent by scent—it’s powerful and soothing.
Wear a t-shirt that smells like mum
Use a muslin cloth or blanket that carries her scent
Hold baby close skin-to-skin if possible
Don’t change those sheets!
Tune In to Their Cues
Breastfed babies are used to responsive care. Crying is a late signal—watch for early cues like rooting, sucking hands, or becoming fussy, so you can offer comfort early. Comfort isn’t always in the form of a bottle. Spend some time connecting to co-regulate, helping them feel safe and secure.
Try Motion and Touch
Gentle rocking, baby-wearing, or swaying can be incredibly regulating. Offer lots of cuddles and physical closeness—this fills their need for safety and connection.
Feed Responsively
If you’re bottle-feeding expressed milk, use paced feeding to mimic the flow of breastfeeding. Hold baby upright, go slowly, and give pauses. This reduces overwhelm and keeps the experience calm and connected. Don’t use your phone or watch the TV during feeds, keep those feeding times calm and quiet using eye contact and holding close to replicate the breast feeding experience.
Sing, Hum, or Talk Softly
Even if baby is too young to understand words, your tone, rhythm, and presence are deeply regulating. Lullabies, gentle talking, and humming can be powerful tools. Talk to them about what is going on, this may sound silly but letting even the youngest baby know you understand their big feelings and it’s sad that mommy isn’t here but she will come back and you will keep them very safe until she returns will help you both feel calm.
Prepare ahead!
Prepare bottles and solids if weaned ahead of them getting hungry. Mothers are always 10 steps ahead and if you aren’t used to being the sole care giver it’s hard to keep on top of it all but pre preparing will remove some stress from your day.
Reminders from One Mother to Another
You are your baby’s world—and being apart may stir up big feelings. But here’s what I want you to remember:
This Time for You Is Not a Step Away from Your Baby, It’s a Step Toward Yourself
Recharging isn’t selfish. It’s essential. Whether you’re off to work, a solo coffee, or a weekend away, you’re filling your cup. And that matters.
Your Bond Isn’t Broken by Time Apart
Babies are incredibly adaptable. While you’re gone, their caregiver is holding the fort with love and connection. And when you return, you’re still their safe place. You won’t know how that reconnection feels until you have that time away. You have spent their whole life and time in utero building that secure attachment, this is when it will pay off.
You Deserve Hands-Free Moments
Your body has been on call, day and night. A few days where you’re not “on demand” can bring clarity, breath, and grounding. You are still every bit a devoted mother—and you’re allowed to have this time too.
It’s Okay to Miss Them and Enjoy the Break
You don’t have to choose. You can miss your baby and feel joy. You can check your phone and soak in the stillness. Duality is part of this wild dance of motherhood. In fact it is the embodiment of motherhood and we need to learn to ride that wave.
In Closing
The first time you leave your breastfed baby over night is a milestone for both of you. It may feel tender, , or surprisingly empowering. However it looks, you’re doing something important: showing your child that love is not limited to one set of arms. And reminding yourself that you are allowed to be held, too—by rest, time with friends, time solo, a party, a spa. You are entitled to the world beyond motherhood even if motherhood is exactly where you want to be most of the time.
You’ve got this. And they’ve got you.